My Formal/My Realizations (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Hiya everyone, I hope you're well~

So I had my formal on Thursday (prom) and the whole experience is kind of ... weird for me. I don't know why I'm writing about this but I kind of need it out of my system.

Formal is something some girls in my grade planned half a year or more in advance and then there were some who bought dresses a week or so before. I left my planning a little late because I'm seriously so shy I was afraid of asking around to plan hair and make up etc. But, I had this vision of the kind of dress and found what I wanted online but didn't want to risk it. I ended up getting a beautiful Jovani dress, the same brand I was looking at online, and the store said no one from my school has come. Turns out I had the same dress as a friend of mine but a different colour. And the whole time I was hoping to stand out and be unique.

I did get the basic things organised but because the dress cost a lot I didn't want to go all out with nails and accessories, but I felt like I was missing out because of this. I wasn't feeling the hype everyone was feeling: counting down the days till formal, making plans and everything. Even the lady who was doing my hair noticed how chilled I was. A few hours before the actual event I had this feeling that I didn't want to go anymore. The day was so stressful since I needed last minute alterations and my makeup was done later than expected so I couldn't take as many photos and rushed outside without being completely ready.

Everyone was so beautiful that night and arriving was fun. I got an award for the neatest handwriting, woop woop! Everyone was taking photos with family and all their friends, but I realised that I was kind of just there. I sound like I have no friends, I do xD I arrived with my closest friends who I had already taken photos with (I didn't have a date :3). But I still felt as though I was more involved with other friendship circles throughout the year, I guess I was wrong.

Throughout the night and then afterwards when the photos and partying had ended, (I looked so bad in them it was like I was forcing a smile). It's like my confidence flew out the window when formal is meant to do the opposite. I've come to realize a few things, I haven't gone into detail about the formal because right now it depresses me, and I know why I didn't feel the hype, it was just leading me to feeling like this.

I'm usually not like this, I'm usually so positive and happy but I'm feeling the 'post-formal depression' in a different way from everyone else. After this year, it seems like everyone can easily forget me and I don't want that. I try my hardest to be kind and helpful to everyone, but I end up alone. I don't want to feel like this because I've become the person who is so confident and happy that people look to me to be reassured, to be cheered up and that I can bear anyone's problems and help them. I'm fine with being single, I'll help you through your relationships. I'm fine with how I look, I'll help you feel better. So much more. I can't afford  to feel like this, I love to help people, but why do I feel so insignificant? Is that all I can do, help bring people up and then end up like this after a night where we should all feel special and worthy? D: 

I don't know how I got from talking about my formal to this, it's just... I don't know. I don't want to keep it inside so I'll just post it, I'm sorry :') Has anyone ever felt like this? High school is only one part of our lives, but right now it's the part I'm living and it's over in less than 6 months. I want to try harder to make myself known and to keep my friends close.

I will forever continue to make people happy because it's a belief of mine that one day, somehow, I'll find happiness too through these actions. I watched as half my grade got drunk and those who I thought were innocent were doing who knows what, and felt like I was so innocent and didn't want to grow up anymore. I'm so behind. But I can't just change who I am. At the very least maybe I'll be remembered for being nice.

This is my second blog post and it's not helpful whatsoever, well done Nina :')  But I will hopefully post something that is more cheerful and my usual self!

Remember, if you're reading this, enjoy life and make every moment count!

                                                                            Nina